Dear Ms. Ivy,
I am contacting you regarding our initial meeting we had last Spring. Although I enjoyed learning more about you, I thoroughly enjoyed learning how to eliminate you from our yard. I am not sure what I did to upset you, however, I did not appreciate the gross rash you gave me on my left arm last year that took forever-and-a-day to go away. The hubs and I were not sad to see you go last Spring thanks to some help of Mr. Ortho Max.
Nonetheless, it appears that you did not get the crystal clear message last year that you are not welcome in our yard, nor do we welcome any of your family or friends. You see, Mr. Ortho Max was supposed to deliver such news, however, there seems to be some misunderstanding on your part. I DO NOT appreciate your stealthy growth patterns or dead remains hiding in our yard. And most importantly I am outraged at your need to give me yet another gross rash, not only on my arm, but also on my stomach and leg. Your unruly behavior simply will not be tolerated by me or the hubs. We appreciate your immediate departure from our yard. Your cooperation is imperative or we will be forced to use extreme measures in ending our relationship.
Truly aggravated,
Erika
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